Stereotypes

I guess this post is gonna get a little serious on ya. like for real.

Recently when discussing with my academic advisor about the prospect of me doing a  senior thesis,
she encouraged me to do it, ya know to broaden my experience, and just in general she wants me to do research, because she feels I'm "gifted" ( I mean I am, what can I say)
but one point she made that struck me was that I should do it because I'm a
black male. 

After conversing with her, and thinking about whether I wanted to do the senior thesis, it really hit me, why do I have to do something because I'm black?, like that's kinda not the way I operate in life. And it made me realize how sometimes, which mean alot, I forget that I'm  a black male, and that I kinda came against all odds and whatnot to be where I am. It's really mind blowing.

Ya know I don't see myself as a black male the way other people see black males. When I look in the mirror, I see a guy who happens to be black. But this doesn't mean I dont recognize or take pride in my blackness, because I very much do. You know I'm proud of the history of black people in America and of my culture. But I guess sometimes I kinda forget that fact that I'm different than the majority of Americans, my langauge is different, my beliefs are different, my culture is different.

I'm thinking about it more today because in my Teach Ed class, today we talking about identity, and that's something that I guess I always wondered about concerning race. Just because I identify myself as something doesn't mean other won't view me as the opposite. Because there's stereotypes that exist about people who look like me. And me exhibiting some of those stereotypes only reinforces what people think to be true, so how do I explain to someone all people like me don't act like that, without you know totally disassociating myself from the group as a whole. I know all of this is probably general, but I'm blurting out stuff.

but more and more, each day I'm realizing how special my situation is (and it's only by the grace of God, that I've been able to do things I have done, and such). Like many black males aren't in my situation of being in college, & basically my life and career plan. and thinking about how if I were my brothers age and having someone who's going through what I will eventually go through,  that would have been so inspiring, yet, I did it all without that role model, without someone to be the model for me. You know now I get it ( and by now i meant when I first thought of this). That me living my life is actually less about me, and more about the legacy and the model I leave behind.

And thinking about my career as a math teacher, I will be a representation for students,  especially black male students, that black males can do math. and again thinking about if I had a black male math teacher, at least one time in my schooling, what would that have done for me? but still then I made it without that teacher.

This brings up the question of  thats why I "forget" I'm black, have I assimilated so much in to the dominant culture, that I subconsciously am unaware of race in my situation. was this because no real black role models in education were present? I don't know.

This is the problem with identification of self, ya know do I identify myself with how other people view me, or should I go with what other view me as, since these stereotypes are going to forever exist. Or am I just an exception to the rule? I don't know.

But I do know I will forever be a black man.and I have to realize I'm different, I'm gonna be viewed as different, different things are going to be expected of me just because I'm a black male. and that will affect all aspects of my life. and it's something I gotta deal with.......FOREVER...
yeah............

*sorry I got really deep and typed so much, maybe you read it all, maybe ya didn't it really don't matter......this was more for me........even though there's no way to really answer any of this........*

PEACE & CHICKEN GREASE!