College life.
I got Senior Week left now to celebrate with friends, so that should be fun times.
But it hit me a couple of days ago while all the undergraduates were leaving...and I realized I was still here.
I'm a senior and this is the end....
and it really hit me today, as I was going through papers and stuff deciding what to keep, what to throw away, this is the end, man. I almost busted out crying a couple times, but I'm good...
I have SO many memories at this university, met so many people, done so many things, changed as a person a bizillion times, like I can't put in words how integral my college experience was to helping me learn about the world and myself, it is truly a amazing experience. I'm such a different and stronger person than I was a freshman coming in. It's crazy when I think back to my first times at NU, wow, things were different then...
But luckily, I have something to look forward to coming in the fall. I get to follow my passion. To be teacher, so that should be fun and challenging, to say the least. I just found out (for now) I'll be teaching 2 courses Geom H and 2 courses of Algebra 2 with a support class, a total of 5, so basically my student teaching classes, which should be fun[more than fun, but I don't really have the words to describe it]. I'm definitely excited for the chance to have my own class, my own students for an entire year (of course I'm scared, but more excited). Also I have orientation on Wednesday next week, called ETHS 101, so that should be really fun and get me uber-excited. I can't believe this either, like I'm literally gonna be high school math teacher. This is the time.
so many things happening in my life. This is definitely a closing of one chapter and the opening of another. I am truly blessed. Thank you God.
With this post, I just thought would take the time, while I have it, to step back and just look and reflect, but this upcoming week is senior week, so I'm surely gonna enjoy myself, enjoy my last times on this campus as a student with my friends...Then it's graduation.
oh speaking of which, I'm going to be the banner carrier for SESP at University Commencement. Pretty cool huh? I think so. I have to attend some meeting Tuesday next week, then at SESP rehearsal talk to the whole class about the commencement, seems pretty cool. And I proudly do it because I love SESP, which definitely made my experience a great one as well.
so yeah. I'm just glad I made the choice to come to Northwestern, although I would've done somethings differently, not many, I have learned so much that I really wouldn't trade anything for those experiences.
AH. Let's go 'Cats.
Peace & CHICKEN GREASE!
Showing posts with label reality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reality. Show all posts
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Stereotypes
I guess this post is gonna get a little serious on ya. like for real.
Recently when discussing with my academic advisor about the prospect of me doing a senior thesis,
she encouraged me to do it, ya know to broaden my experience, and just in general she wants me to do research, because she feels I'm "gifted" ( I mean I am, what can I say)
but one point she made that struck me was that I should do it because I'm a
black male.
After conversing with her, and thinking about whether I wanted to do the senior thesis, it really hit me, why do I have to do something because I'm black?, like that's kinda not the way I operate in life. And it made me realize how sometimes, which mean alot, I forget that I'm a black male, and that I kinda came against all odds and whatnot to be where I am. It's really mind blowing.
Ya know I don't see myself as a black male the way other people see black males. When I look in the mirror, I see a guy who happens to be black. But this doesn't mean I dont recognize or take pride in my blackness, because I very much do. You know I'm proud of the history of black people in America and of my culture. But I guess sometimes I kinda forget that fact that I'm different than the majority of Americans, my langauge is different, my beliefs are different, my culture is different.
I'm thinking about it more today because in my Teach Ed class, today we talking about identity, and that's something that I guess I always wondered about concerning race. Just because I identify myself as something doesn't mean other won't view me as the opposite. Because there's stereotypes that exist about people who look like me. And me exhibiting some of those stereotypes only reinforces what people think to be true, so how do I explain to someone all people like me don't act like that, without you know totally disassociating myself from the group as a whole. I know all of this is probably general, but I'm blurting out stuff.
but more and more, each day I'm realizing how special my situation is (and it's only by the grace of God, that I've been able to do things I have done, and such). Like many black males aren't in my situation of being in college, & basically my life and career plan. and thinking about how if I were my brothers age and having someone who's going through what I will eventually go through, that would have been so inspiring, yet, I did it all without that role model, without someone to be the model for me. You know now I get it ( and by now i meant when I first thought of this). That me living my life is actually less about me, and more about the legacy and the model I leave behind.
And thinking about my career as a math teacher, I will be a representation for students, especially black male students, that black males can do math. and again thinking about if I had a black male math teacher, at least one time in my schooling, what would that have done for me? but still then I made it without that teacher.
This brings up the question of thats why I "forget" I'm black, have I assimilated so much in to the dominant culture, that I subconsciously am unaware of race in my situation. was this because no real black role models in education were present? I don't know.
This is the problem with identification of self, ya know do I identify myself with how other people view me, or should I go with what other view me as, since these stereotypes are going to forever exist. Or am I just an exception to the rule? I don't know.
But I do know I will forever be a black man.and I have to realize I'm different, I'm gonna be viewed as different, different things are going to be expected of me just because I'm a black male. and that will affect all aspects of my life. and it's something I gotta deal with.......FOREVER...
yeah............
*sorry I got really deep and typed so much, maybe you read it all, maybe ya didn't it really don't matter......this was more for me........even though there's no way to really answer any of this........*
PEACE & CHICKEN GREASE!
Recently when discussing with my academic advisor about the prospect of me doing a senior thesis,
she encouraged me to do it, ya know to broaden my experience, and just in general she wants me to do research, because she feels I'm "gifted" ( I mean I am, what can I say)
but one point she made that struck me was that I should do it because I'm a
black male.
After conversing with her, and thinking about whether I wanted to do the senior thesis, it really hit me, why do I have to do something because I'm black?, like that's kinda not the way I operate in life. And it made me realize how sometimes, which mean alot, I forget that I'm a black male, and that I kinda came against all odds and whatnot to be where I am. It's really mind blowing.
Ya know I don't see myself as a black male the way other people see black males. When I look in the mirror, I see a guy who happens to be black. But this doesn't mean I dont recognize or take pride in my blackness, because I very much do. You know I'm proud of the history of black people in America and of my culture. But I guess sometimes I kinda forget that fact that I'm different than the majority of Americans, my langauge is different, my beliefs are different, my culture is different.
I'm thinking about it more today because in my Teach Ed class, today we talking about identity, and that's something that I guess I always wondered about concerning race. Just because I identify myself as something doesn't mean other won't view me as the opposite. Because there's stereotypes that exist about people who look like me. And me exhibiting some of those stereotypes only reinforces what people think to be true, so how do I explain to someone all people like me don't act like that, without you know totally disassociating myself from the group as a whole. I know all of this is probably general, but I'm blurting out stuff.
but more and more, each day I'm realizing how special my situation is (and it's only by the grace of God, that I've been able to do things I have done, and such). Like many black males aren't in my situation of being in college, & basically my life and career plan. and thinking about how if I were my brothers age and having someone who's going through what I will eventually go through, that would have been so inspiring, yet, I did it all without that role model, without someone to be the model for me. You know now I get it ( and by now i meant when I first thought of this). That me living my life is actually less about me, and more about the legacy and the model I leave behind.
And thinking about my career as a math teacher, I will be a representation for students, especially black male students, that black males can do math. and again thinking about if I had a black male math teacher, at least one time in my schooling, what would that have done for me? but still then I made it without that teacher.
This brings up the question of thats why I "forget" I'm black, have I assimilated so much in to the dominant culture, that I subconsciously am unaware of race in my situation. was this because no real black role models in education were present? I don't know.
This is the problem with identification of self, ya know do I identify myself with how other people view me, or should I go with what other view me as, since these stereotypes are going to forever exist. Or am I just an exception to the rule? I don't know.
But I do know I will forever be a black man.and I have to realize I'm different, I'm gonna be viewed as different, different things are going to be expected of me just because I'm a black male. and that will affect all aspects of my life. and it's something I gotta deal with.......FOREVER...
yeah............
*sorry I got really deep and typed so much, maybe you read it all, maybe ya didn't it really don't matter......this was more for me........even though there's no way to really answer any of this........*
PEACE & CHICKEN GREASE!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
a REAL poem..
so wrote this late the another night...
don't do this often, I believe it had to be inspiration
from the muses or something
check it out
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Reality---
I cannot see,
Through the wall that stands in front of me.
the memories that so penetrate my mind
each and every time I think of reality:
what is real, what real ain't.
what I see is just a fake,
copy, image duplicated
but not replicated,
highly dictated reality imitated.
spacious glow surrounds my view
intuitively, I always knew
that reality was past due
my reality was untrue.
deeply rooted thoughts
bounded by penniless costs
often seamlessly lost
are often bought
in reality.
reality--- I cannot see
the reality which lies in front of me
blocked by the world of eternity,
will forever be,
an unreal, unfulfilled miserable fantasy
unparalleled in all despair unknown
unupheld in dignity alone
so unreal, so unconcealed,
yet so hard to view
so touched, so loved,
yet hated so
yes, this is reality
the reality you so seek,
but you shall not find
the reality you so plead,
but you shall bind
yourself forever in your unreality
because that is the only reality you see.
And that reality is me.
don't do this often, I believe it had to be inspiration
from the muses or something
check it out
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Reality---
I cannot see,
Through the wall that stands in front of me.
the memories that so penetrate my mind
each and every time I think of reality:
what is real, what real ain't.
what I see is just a fake,
copy, image duplicated
but not replicated,
highly dictated reality imitated.
spacious glow surrounds my view
intuitively, I always knew
that reality was past due
my reality was untrue.
deeply rooted thoughts
bounded by penniless costs
often seamlessly lost
are often bought
in reality.
reality--- I cannot see
the reality which lies in front of me
blocked by the world of eternity,
will forever be,
an unreal, unfulfilled miserable fantasy
unparalleled in all despair unknown
unupheld in dignity alone
so unreal, so unconcealed,
yet so hard to view
so touched, so loved,
yet hated so
yes, this is reality
the reality you so seek,
but you shall not find
the reality you so plead,
but you shall bind
yourself forever in your unreality
because that is the only reality you see.
And that reality is me.
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